Let me tell you!!!!! This has been such a journey. I have been on a hiatus due to this wonderful journey called life. The one thing I love about this site is that I can be TRANSPARENT. It's okay if someone is judging me. This is not necessarily for them, it is for me and others who may be going through a situation similar to my own. So many of you have read my book. I thank you! For those of you who have not, feel free to order on this website or on Amazon. In my book I detail my challenges with my marriage dealing with drugs and alcohol as well as other issues. Due to this, I made a decision to LIVE! To Restart, Reset and Recreate my life. I have decided to move forward and start anew.
What I mean is that I understand that saying that someone has a "habit" is not always a fitting description. I found that some people have chosen to make addictions a "way of life." At no point in my life did I think I would be getting a divorce when starting this journey 14 years ago. I went through many stages throughout the last year. Denial, distress, feeling as if I had failed, separation, anxiety, fear and other emotions. I found that I was working harder than ever to prove to myself that I was not a failure. I am a person who completes the tasks that I start. I hold myself to a standard of being a moral, loyal, honest person who has integrity and should never change those basic fundamentals for anyone or anything. Did that make certain points in my marriage difficult? Absolutely! Through this process though, I began to discover things about myself that I did not know I had compressed due to not wanting to offend anyone or set them off. With the help of God, my friends, family and therapist, I have been able to move forward with no guilt of how my relationship was ending.
I had to come to the conclusion that it is okay to understand that you cannot "save" everyone. Sometimes it gets too hard to bare. I had to understand that I cannot carry 2 crosses at one time. That was so tough for me. I would look in the mirror and smile, but the smile would not reach my eyes. At times I felt like I was not enough. I could handle so much but yet I could not restore my marriage. That was a low point for me. The mask I thought I shed was still there. I was not being honest with myself. I came to the realization that if you cannot trust the actions of the one you are with then the foundation has now shattered and this is something that is difficult to regain. So with this new revelation I continued to work harder than before, prayed harder than before, and worshiped harder than before. I truly did not want to lose myself in the process. I did not want to be bitter. I thank God daily for this practice and direction that I was given. It was a true "draw me nearer" moment. I am not mad with the decisions that I or my spouse made, but I gained a deeper understanding. After attending Al-Anon and other support groups, I received the clarity that I needed. So I took a leap. People may not agree with me but it's okay. I cant please everyone. I had to think of the well-being of my children and myself. My peace and sanity was and is so important.
Present day: I had started my doctorate so many years ago, this was my chance to finish it. That is what I did! I realized with this doctorate, my heart, my soul, and my tears went into this. Outside of God and my children, this was something that I needed to help me get through this. AND I DID! People would always push me and tell me that I could do it, but for 2 years, I felt because of what I was going through in life, I did not see an end in site. 2020 was it for me. With strength given to me by God and support from my family and friends I completed my doctorate in Education Leadership from DePaul University!!!!!
I decided to be as transparent as possible. Sometimes we feel that life can get too hard and we have to quit what we started. I expanded my business, completed my doctorate, rehabbed a property and also started a home brewery. God IS GOOD! If I did not remain busy I probably would have lost my mind but I found purpose in my tasks while working through my issues. Never be too afraid to seek help. Seeing a therapist was the best decision for me. For those of you who may be going through something feel free to reach out to me. You do not have to wait until our next gathering. I understand how difficult things can be. Just know you are not alone and I and my team are here to assist. We are Everyday Super Women and this is what we do! Until next time..